Sorrow and Sorry
by Masaichu
Summary: I wish there was a book out there that could help you figure out what to do in any situation. If there was one for mine, it would be named "How to Heal Your Best Friend's Broken Heart, Stop Your Roommate from Prying in Your Buisness and Still Live Life."
1. Chapter 1

Tonight was actually supposed to be fun, you know what I mean? I should have been out at my usual club, dancing past midnight while drowning myself in the glory that is sweet sake and attempting to endlessly flirt with each and every girl I met at that club.

But then Luki has to go and be no fun at all! He says I have to be outside the club at a certain time so he pick me up, which makes me mad because it's _my_ car that he's driving and all! Why is he taking my car over though, you ask?

I usually drive myself wherever I want to. If I want to go, I just do it. And if I want to leave, I don't have anyone telling me when I should put down a drink and get out of there as fast as lightning.

Except I'm the only one with a car out of all my roommates, and Luki says Mikuo needs to go somewhere tonight and wants to be dropped off, and so he goes and drops me off at the club and tells me I have to be at some place by some time, and I'm not even listening to him anymore by then because I just want to get inside already.

So he goes driving off in _my _car, and Mikuo is in the passenger seat now and he waves at me and everything just seems like it's fine, except that I'm now pissed at Luki for driving because that car is my baby and I don't want him getting into some dumb accident and screwing it up.

But you know, whatever.

I'll just dance it off, maybe get drunk and then stumble out here and he'll take me home and rant at me, but I won't remember any of the words because I'm too drunk to listen, and then we'll wake up tomorrow and it'll all be normal.

I thought that's how things always had been.

Come to think of it, there were a lot of things I thought were true before now.

I wish that they had been true so much...

I knew Luki had gone and given me a time to be there and everything, but I guess I just forgot about all of that since I don't remember looking at a clock the entire time that I was there.

So what if he would be there in twenty minutes? Or fifteen? Or ten? Or maybe he was outside right now and was yelling at me to get out of the club because he didn't want to force himself through the crowd to find me. All the better conditions for me to stay and piss him off a little more. That's always fun, after all.

Surprisingly, I hadn't done any drinking yet tonight, and I don't know if it was because I didn't have a lot of money right now, or because my conscious was telling me that I couldn't drink for some reason.

I was actually about to go and hit on this cute chick over at the counter, maybe buy her a couple of shots and start up a game of beer pong. Again, it's what I like doing, so don't judge me, man.

But I didn't get the chance to even walk five steps toward her, because someone grabbed my wrist from behind and I was forced to turn at a weird angle and walk towards the door. It was the person I had least expected to come in here and get me, too.

Why was Luki so uptight and never up for having any _real_ fun?

"Hey, let go! Ow, that hurts! C'mon man, I'm partying here! What's the big idea!" I started flailing around to see if he might let go of my arm, but he just held it tighter and dragged me faster out of the club and into the parking lot.

It was dark outside, so I wondered how long I had been inside. Again, I don't look at clocks. Not my thing.

Was he mad at me for being out really late? Was that it?

That wasn't the case, but I didn't know that at the time, and now I wish it had been. I'd rather Luki yell at me then have what happened next happen.

"This isn't the time for partying, Meito. We have a problem, and you must help me."

He spoke in this really low and calm voice. Luki's usually a quiet person anyway, but he never speaks in that sort of tone unless something big has happened. I remember the time we had to drive to the next town over to bail our friend Gumo out of something he didn't even do, and Luki went from speaking all low and weird to speaking normally right after that whole thing was done.

Creepy.

"What're you talking about? Help you with what?" I'd stopped struggling and just sort of let him drag me further out into the parking lot. I could see the trunk of my beloved red beauty in the back of the lot, which was strange because whenever Luki gets me for any reason, he parks right up in the front if he can, and he could tonight.

But he didn't...

"Just come with me," He said, "You have to see for yourself..."

"What's there to see? ...Did you get in an accident in my car! Oh God, I'll kill you, Luki!"

"I did not get into an accident! God, you are so quick to conclusions..."

He let go of my arm and shoved me towards the car, so I started running towards it so he wouldn't start dragging me again.

I almost didn't see Mikuo laying on his side in the backseat. He was curled up onto his side with this big, gross wad of used tissues clutched in his hand, and his eyes were all puffy and red and raw. It may sound not so bad, but if you actually see it, it looks really horrible, especially on him since he has this blue-green kind of hair color.

Yanking open the back door, I couldn't help but lean into the car and just look him over, trying to figure out what had gone on. He didn't look at me really, but he was crying really hard and he didn't look like he would talk to us.

After maybe a minute, I stood back up and looked at Luki with this glare on my face. "What the Hell happened?"

I guess he was afraid that I thought it was his fault that Mikuo was upset, because he put his hands up in defense and backed away from me a little bit. "Just hang on a second! I'm not entirely clued in on what happened either!"

"Then tell me what you _do_ know!" I screamed at him, I guess I was really getting pissed off by that point.

"Alright, alright! I dropped him off over at Akaito's and started to go home, but he called me fifteen minutes later to come pick him back up and when I got him, he just started crying really hard! I didn't know what to do, so I thought you might know!"

Before you start asking questions, here's the juice on that whole thing. Akaito is a buddy of Mikuo's. Well, not exactly a buddy, he's actually Mikuo's boyfriend.

Yep, Mikuo was into guys. It's not a big deal, really. I mean, it was at first when he told us, but we've gotten used to it by now. It's actually kind of nice for me, because then I know he won't go stealing any cute chicks that I run into, but I can't help but worry for him.

After all, if he told the people I hang out with that he was into guys, they'd probably beat him up or something. See? That's why he's my best friend even though we don't go everywhere in the world together.

But yeah, anyway...Akaito is a pretty okay guy, I suppose. But he gets all seductive around Mikuo, like he wants to jump him and go in some random room every second that they're together. I tried to tell him about that, but he wouldn't listen to me and just said that Akaito is just a little unsure of how to show his love.

More like unsure of how to keep himself in his pants.

I couldn't really do anything about that though since it wasn't my business to go meddling in their love and all of that junk.

At least, it wasn't my business until tonight.

Mikuo was still crying in the backseat, making these weird sounds like he was choking and gagging all the time, and he still kept using that disgusting tissue wad on his eyes and nose.

"Meito, I don't know what to do...Please, you're his best friend. Talk to him..." Luki wrung his hands together like he always did when he was nervous.

Since I hadn't ever dealt with this kind of thing, I was just as stumped as he was on the whole situation.

I sat myself down on the side of the seat and put a hand on Mikuo's shoulder, shaking him a little bit to remind him that we were still here. "Mikuo? Buddy? C'mon, don't do this...Tell us what happened, 'kay?"

He opened his eyes and he looked at me. I wanted to gag almost because of how he looked right now, but I didn't show it because that'd just make him more upset. He's way too sensitive, and that didn't make this better.

"I-I'm...S-Sorry, Meito..." He said with this quiver in his voice.

When he sat up, I moved away to give him more room. He wiped his eyes with his arm this time and looked at us again. "I-I went to Akaito's f-for our date...And..."

"...And what?" Luki chimed in.

"...A-Akaito was there with this girl w-with red hair..."

I remembered that girl, actually. Her name was Muri Anone, and she was one of Akaito's 'tight' friends, as he called her. I didn't like where this was going though.

"H-He came to the door a-and looked surprised to see me...He tried to c-call me and cancel our date...And I asked him w-why and then she came out..."

"Did he tell you why he wanted to cancel the date?"

I was this close to back-slugging Luki in the face, but I didn't.

"He...He never...Never loved me...It was all just a j-joke..."

"A joke?" Was all I managed to get out. Who the Hell plays a cruel joke like that? Who in their right mind?

"How on earth did he pull off that as a joke?" Luki was clenching his fist by now, looking almost as angry as I was, but he has a really weird angry face, so he just looked sort of funny instead.

"I-It was for the l-laughes from his friends...A-And the sex...And...And..."

His eyes filled up with tears again and he started crying even harder then before, falling back onto the seat and holding his head. I swore to God, if I ever saw Akaito again, I would beat the living shit out of him for doing this. He wouldn't live another day.

Well, he would, actually.

Because Luki said something about going home, and I argued about going to Akaito's, and I really don't even remember now because I was so angry that everything felt numb around me.

I wanted to drive us home, but Luki said I was too pent up with anger to do that. What the Hell does he even know? Either way though, he spoke in that low voice again that I had better sit in the back with Mikuo, lest I not see dinner for a few days.

You don't want to piss off the cook of your house, you really, really don't.

So I got in the back and Luki started up the engine and off we were back home. Mikuo didn't stop crying that entire trip, and I felt uncomfortable with all of this, but I managed to put a hand on his shoulder and just sort of tell him that it would be alright.

Even though I knew it wouldn't be alright.

It wouldn't be at all.

And damn it, I was right.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Luki had managed to maneuver us into the right lane thanks to the late night traffic, Mikuo had cried himself out until he was sleeping or something. He wasn't really crying loudly now, and he wasn't moving as much, but he was crying just this little tiny bit even when he was asleep.

He was laying down on the seat, and just out of pity's sake, I decided that this once, just for this once, he could lay on my leg because I didn't exactly want to upset him more and have Luki call me an idiot and say I only think about what I want even in times like this. Ugh. Jerk.

Akaito was incredibly lucky that I didn't just jump out of this car, walk to his house and beat him to a bloody, more-red-then-his-hair pulp right this minute, because I had the chance to do it.

I totally would have too, if Luki didn't have to be such a wet blanket like usual. Does he even know what 'revenge' is?

"If you get out of this car, I swear to God that you're not getting it back." He threatened, throwing me one his copyrighted, reserved and trademarked glares in the mirror. I didn't move a muscle for the rest of the trip after that happened, except once so that Mikuo was more comfy.

* * *

When we got back to the house, I had to physically pick up Mikuo in my arms and carry him back to our bedroom. Him and me share a bedroom while Luki gets a big one all to himself, the bastard. I would have swiped it when we first moved in, but Mikuo kept saying he wanted to share a room with me, his best buddy, and how am I supposed to say no to him when we're friends?

He started to wake up when I grabbed him off of the car seat, so I took him upstairs to the bedroom and dropped him down on his bed like a sack of potatoes.

"Where are we...?" He asked blearily.

"Home."

I didn't really want to talk to him right now since I didn't exactly know how to talk about this situation. It's not like I've had my chain yanked for months, thinking this 'amazing person' loved me and only me just to be dropped right into the mud of reality.

"O-Oh..."

It was really quiet in the room now, except for a few seconds when Luki yelled from down the hallway that he was going to bed. I knew that he wasn't really, though. He just wanted an excuse to go and lay awake all night writing in a diary or something girly like that. He'd let me deal with Mikuo. And you know why he'd pin it all on me?

Because I was the guy's best friend.

Luki thought that I could solve everything about Mikuo just because I was his best friend. It's not my fault though that Luki has issues with talking to the guy, which I don't understand. He says he's shy and all this other crap, but he introduces us to so many people that I think he's just a dirty liar when it comes to that sort of thing.

But that aside, I sat down on the bed and looked over to see Mikuo sit up and rub his eyes with one hand, before grabbing this huge, fluffy pillow he has and hold it up to his chest before pulling up his legs against it and curling up. What was he trying to do? Hide?

"Mikuo..." I started, but what am I supposed to say? Huh?

I just sat there silent like an idiot, not knowing whether I should even try and talk to him at all or what. I've never had to deal with something like this, and trying to right now sure isn't freaking giving me much experience.

When he didn't say anything, I decided I outta lay down and just see if I could sleep, but I guess he didn't want me to do that.

"N-No...Meito, please...D-Don't go to s-sleep...Don't leave me all alone here..."

Well, that was more the enough to make me automatically go snapping right back up and look at him. Now his legs dangled over the edge of the bed and he was looking at me like he might cry again, but he didn't start up right away.

Just as I got up though, he clammed up again! I can't exactly help him if he's being quiet, you know? That might sound mean, but hey, it's the truth! If he won't tell me about it then I have nothing to bounce off of to talk to him.

"...Aki-chan..."

"Huh?" I didn't catch what he was saying the first time, this time focusing on him better for once.

"T-That's what I call him...Aki-chan is his nickname. But..."

He turned away from me a little bit and he had this really painful look on his face. Like it was literally physically painful to talk about it. Like every time he did, it was like hitting him over the head with a bat or a frying pan.

"But what?" I raised my eyebrow.

"S-She...That girl, she c-called him that too...I thought it was s-special, Meito...The names we gave each other were supposed to be special for only us!"

I started moving forward to try and do something to get him to calm down, but he beat me to it and sobbed this really, really loud sob and collapsed backwards onto the bed while covering his head with the pillow.

Great job, Meito. Really great job, you should have said something to change the subject when you had the chance. Now he's probably not going to stop crying the whole night over some name he called that red-haired jackass.

"Mikuo, I-"

"I was just a joke to him!" He screamed into the pillow, beating the side of the bed with his fist. "He only wanted me because I was a toy to him! I-I loved him with everything and he...He...He used me!"

Now, let me get this clear.

Mikuo is not a person who gets angry easily, and I'll bet you're just rolling your eyes and saying 'yeah right' at me, but it's the truth. This isn't some little bratty guy who wants to try and beat up everyone even though he can't. Mikuo isn't tough in the least, he's a pushover. You could ask him for his freaking _life savings_ and he would give it to you if you were his friend.

If you wanted him to carry you across town and back with only one arm, he would do it. If you wanted him to...I don't know, go out and try to buy every single item in a supermarket just because you told him to, he might do it. But he wouldn't drink or do any of that sweet stuff I wished he would do sometimes.

Right now, I'm pretty glad he didn't, though.

So now that you can see why it surprised me so much, you've gotta think. I mean, this is the guy who never gets upset. Mikuo could pout, oh sure. Luki always sided with him whenever he pouts, but he never does that when I'm the one pouting. He can make me want to go out and beat someone up sometimes for the things that he does. Too bad he doesn't know he'd be the one I'd beat up if he didn't also happen to pay my share of rent a lot of the time.

You don't screw with your house's cook and main rent payment.

"I hate him!"

I didn't snap up again until I heard Mikuo's ranting continue. I usually don't like screaming, especially when it's directed at me. Except he wasn't really directing it at me, he was just trying to let out the steam he had over Akaito. So I sat down and took it. I mean, wouldn't you too if your best friend had just gone through something that brutal? I'll bet five dollars you would. Nah, not really.

"I hate him for what he did! I hate that he thinks that I-I'm just some object that doesn't have feelings! But I do! A-And he tore them apart! He threw me away for a girl that doesn't k-know a thing about him I'll bet!"

That was a lie, I knew, but I said nothing.

"Why did he do it?" His hand lashed out and he punched the side of the bed again, before sitting up and throwing his pillow onto the bed, then picked it up and threw it into the bed's backboard before he fell forward and landed face down into the pillow.

He didn't talk after that, so I had to think of something to say. Fast. Well, crap.

Why _had_Akaito gone and done it in the first place?

The bastard had treated a perfectly great person like he was the lowest dirt on the planet, but Mikuo took it all. I wish I knew why he'd gone along with it, though.

Maybe it was because he knew that Akaito wasn't good enough for him. And he wasn't, I knew that for sure now. Hell, I'd known it for a pretty long time before they'd even been 'officially' going out. Akaito had words, and he really knew how to use them. He could make Mikuo feel like the best person alive one minute, and then the next minute he would come running home crying because Akaito hadn't liked the gift he'd bought just for him, or he'd gotten into another argument with him.

But he tried to make it work, and that's what mattered the most. He freaking tried hard to please that unforgivable jerk, to the point where he told me once about how Akaito had been his first as far as the sex went, and I won't even start telling _you_ about it because, well...It's not my thing.

I'm perfectly fine with Mikuo checking out other guys, yeah, but I don't exactly like listening to him repeat every little detail about their nights in bed. Now if he could just catch on that I'm trying to sleep whenever he gets into that storytelling mood.

Since I hadn't said anything yet, he started to pull himself up from the pillow and he looked over at me like he was expecting me to say something that would magically make all of the pain and stuff go away.

I had nothing.

He had nothing.

So he rolled onto his back and laid down on the bed and then I laid back down too and we just sort of laid down for a really long without saying anything at all. He didn't want to talk about it anymore, I guess. Or maybe all that anger finally got to his head and blew out of his ears and now it was just time for him to try and accept it all.

Too bad life isn't like cartoons where those kinds of things can happen. It's not fun, either, because I'd really like to see the kind of crap they do on TV happen in real life sometime. It would at least make life a lot more funny.

"...M...Meito?"

I glanced over and saw he was looking at me while hiding under the blankets now, still shivering and crying. Ergh, when I see that red-haired, cheating, lying, dirty bastard, I swear to God that I'll...

"Yeah?'

"I...I really hate him..."

"Well, at least we can both agree on that one."

"But I d-don't hate him for what he did, r-really..."

"...Then why do you hate him?"

I was surprised. Hadn't he just said a few minutes ago or something that he _did_hate him for the things that he'd done? Make up your mind, Mikuo. Then again, I'd never lost a lover or anything like that, so maybe it had some sort of mood swing thing going on that I knew nothing about?

"I hate him because I...I..."

"You...what?"

"...Because even after w-what he did, I still love him..."


	3. Chapter 3

I'm not normally a person that gets up early to do much of anything. Even on the weekdays, I just lay there in bed until, I don't know, maybe noon? Sometimes I get up early because Luki keeps yelling about I'm just a lazy ass or something like that, and then I have to get up because he won't just leave me alone.

But this morning, I actually _did_ wake up early. The clock on our dresser said it was just eight in the morning, and for a sec I thought it was broken, but then how can a digital clock really be broken?

I wanted to keep sleeping, really. I tried to go back to sleep even! But my back hurt and there is no way I'm getting a hump on my back like you see old people have cause lay around and sit so much. At least, I think that's how they get those...

Anyway, Mikuo was sleeping when I sat up still. It surprised me because I figured he wouldn't sleep much at all, but there he was. Eyes closed, drooling all over his pillow. Ugh, I hate that he does that, but I don't exactly feel like going over and shutting his mouth for him. Just...Ew, no!

Whatever, I guess I'll just go and watch something on the tube. What else is there to do?

So I got out of bed, left the covers for someone else to take care of and walked right in the living room. Now, I was expecting for Luki to chew me out because whenever I want to watch stuff, he's always busy watching some boring news show. If I even try and get the remote from him, he growls like a dog! What the Hell?

Well, he wasn't there this morning at least. Thank God, because I wanted to watch those really old cartoons that people don't say they watch anymore, but they really tune into them every day because they're just so funny.

Classic cartoons with violence, that'll help me feel a bit better. I still felt numb from everything that happened last night. Maybe I dreampt it all up? Ha, it'd be a funny story to tell them and this whole thing could blow over if it was. Except I would still go and beat up Akaito a bit and tell him to never do that in reality.

The cartoons didn't last long though. After just half an hour or something, they went to some boring news show. So this is what Luki actually likes watching?

Damn, he's really missing out then on some great television. Well, no news is good news anymore, so I just shut it off and leaned back on the couch. Huh, our ceiling paint is chipping off, I never noticed that...

I guess it's not really surprising though. I mean, this place was practically falling down when we got it. Bummer, I know. But we painted it up and slathered some posters on the walls -except for Luki, of course, it's always pictures and frames with him- and it was good as new.

The furniture is...Er...It's fine, really. I think the only new thing we actually bought was the couch I'm laying on right now. Everything else we found or brought with us when we moved in together. That table over is from Mikuo's old place, and the recliner over in the corner there was something Mikuo and I found in a junkyard. Heh, Luki really hates that thing.

He says that it's no good if it was found in a junkyard in the first place. What does he know, though? Just because you throw something out doesn't make it automatically broken. One person's trash was two people's treasure. Am I right?

Speaking of the devil in disguise...

Luki came walking right in after I thought that, like he had some freaking mind reading thing and was just waiting for a chance to get in here. He always seems to have that though. He knows when I'm drunk! I thought no one could tell when I'm drunk! I mean, sure, I walk a little funny and I slur words, but don't I normally do that anyway?

He didn't glare at me though when he saw me. That's kind of scary itself, because he usually hates my guts for some reason, and then, now, all of a sudden, he isn't looking at me like he's going to kick me out every second.

"What's up?" Is all I say.

"You're up early for once." He stares at me with a scared look himself. What, do I really not get up that often? Cut me some slack, man. I'm just always tired from partying, so don't go thinking I'm acting like someone else.

"Yeah, well...It was a wild night."

I'm kind of hoping he won't bring up Mikuo, because if he does, then that'll mean that everything that happened last night actually happened. Like, _really, actually_ happened.

And I don't wanna have to deal with that because if it did happen then I really will have to get the energy to go and beat the shit out of Akaito, and then I'll have to talk to Mikuo and just everything will be out of wack. I hate when things are out of wack. I like my wack to be in wack, you know what I mean?

Luki just shrugged and sat on an arm of the couch. There was no way in Hell he would sit on that 'junky, old' recliner, no matter how much of the couch I took up.

"It was, wasn't it?" He stares at me for a few seconds, and then he looks away.

Don't say it.

Don't say it.

Don't say it...

"How is Mikuo doing?"

I said not to say it! Damn it Luki, why can't your mind reading work _all_ of the time!

"Mikuo's...Alright, I guess."

What else am I supposed to say? I mean, yeah, we both know he's _not_ alright, but how do I say that? I just woke up, stop asking questions!

"Oh. That's...Nice to hear then." He combs his hand through his pink hair. Hmph. Cotton Candy Head. "I was just wondering...Er...Did you two talk much last night?"

Why does he want to know? Why does he even care? Isn't he the one that always tells us not to go snooping in other's buisness.

Yeah, right, good job taking your own advice there, Lu-kay.

"Uh...Sure. Yeah. We talked. Not a lot. But we talked. Why? I thought you would be the one to say we shouldn't do anything really." When I say this, he looks at me with this sort of frown on his face. I can't tell if he's mad or angry or hurt. Why would he be hurt?

"Mikuo's going through something very tough right now, Meito. The least we can do is give him some moral support. I would think that if you're his so called 'best friend', you would have realized that already."

_What?_

'You're questioning _my_ abillity to be his best friend? Who the Hell gave you the idea to say that? I know Mikuo a whole lot more then you do! You don't know anything about either of us! You're just a big tight ass, Luki! I know what to say to Mikuo! You just ran off and left me all alone to deal with it last night! Who died and gave you the right to be king around here!'

That's what I want to say to him. I'm sitting up now and I want to snap at him for saying something like that. But I don't say it, and I don't snap at him. I want to so bad, but I know that if I do, it's not going to lead anything good around here for anyone.

"I _know that,_ Luki. Don't make it sound like I'm stupid or something. I'm not."

"Well, you really make me _wonder_ sometimes, Meito. You don't seem to understand how severe these things are."

Oh, shut the Hell up...

"But in any case, I was asking because I wanted to know what he said to you."

Wait.

What?

I blink a few times and look at him with confusion. He usually distances himself from issues we have. Why does he care now?

"Why would you want to know what he said?"

"Because...Well, in all honesty, Meito, he doesn't seem to trust me as much as he trusts you."

_'Gee, I wonder why...'_

"And I'm afraid that if I'm left out of the loop in all of this that I won't know what I can do to help. So I thought that if he told you anything, you could tell me so that I understand just what is going on here. Please, if you can..."

He's looking at me with these huge, pleading eyes. Ugh, God, Luki. Just quite embaressing yourself.

But really, I don't know what I want to say after that. Yeah, Mikuo and I talked, but do I have a right to tell Luki what he said? I mean, he never said that I _couldn't_, but the conversation felt like it was something really private. Something only between two best friends. Like he was expecting me not to tell anyone else.

I don't know why, but I feel a little bad for Luki, actually. Because I guess I know he's just trying to help, but he knows he's out of the loop between us and I understand that it can hurt a bit. When you're out of the loop with the people you live with, it feels...Really bad. Hurt. You feel hurt.

I wonder if I should tell him, and then I wonder if I shouldn't. And then finally...

"No. I'm sorry, Luki. Really, I...I want to tell you, but I can't."

He stares at me with this hurt expression for like a minute, before he just all of a sudden is back to normal again. "You can't tell me...Why?"

"Because...I mean...Don't take this wrong, Luki. I want to tell you, but I don't think I should. I mean, er, I think that I _should,_ but I don't know if Mikuo wants me to tell your or not. So I just can't tell you because I don't I even know anymore."

We both stood there for a little bit, just staring at each other. He didn't really seem like he was mad, but he didn't seem happy either. Just sorta...Lost, I guess. I felt lost in the whole thing now too. I didn't even understand half of what I had said myself.

Finally, Luki got off the couch and shook his head a bit at me. "I see. I understand. It's...private. Between you two. I can understand. Don't worry then, I'll...I'll figure something else out."

"Sorry." I gave him my best shot at apology.

"It's fine. It's alright, really Meito. I know you're trying to figure this out too. If Mikuo wants to tell me then he'll tell it to me himself. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll just...go and start making some breakfast."

He turned to leave for the kitchen before he turned back and he shot a glare at me. "Just don't watch those mindless cartoons." And after that, he was gone.

Damn, Luki always needed to get the last word in, didn't he? Same old, same old...

But I didn't feel like watching cartoons anymore now.

I felt like I'd just done something wrong. Like I had punched Luki in the gut as hard as I could and then left without doing anything for him. No apology, no help, no nothing. He may be a pain in the ass, yeah, but he was Mikuo's friend, too. And...I guess mine.

_"It's fine. It's alright."_

But it _wasn't_ fine, and it _wasn't_ alright.

Even if Luki did try to talk to Mikuo by himself, I doubt he would tell him anything. Luki and Mikuo didn't know each other as well as they pretended they did. Sure, we all lived together, and it still felt that we were strangers anyway. We all lived together with people we barely knew.

I fell backwards onto the couch and slumped there for a while, thinking real hard for once about how this whole thing was gonna go.

Because really, if I couldn't trust Luki enough to tell him anything, why would Mikuo?

And if Luki didn't trust us to tell him what was going on, why would he consider trying to help me help Mikuo?

And if...

My head hurts too much now. I'm going to try and take a nap.

Maybe then I can go back to the dreamworld where we're all friends and happy and nothing bad is happening there.


	4. Chapter 4

As it turns out, everything in my dreamworld was doing just fine without me having to be there to take care of it. Mikuo was all happy in that place, smiling and snickering and being happy like he used to be. Luki isn't such a tight ass in my dreamworld either. He lets me get away with anything and he doesn't yell like he does in real life.

Oh yeah.

My _real _life was just being about as suckish as it could get. My best friend is a mess thanks to his cheating bastard of a boyfriend, my other roommate is ready to claw my eyes out for information about what's going on, and I'm too confused to do a thing about any of this without knowing I'll probably mess it up big time.

Is it just me, or does my life sound like one of those reality shows on the tube that people laugh at because they're not the ones having all of this unfortunate stuff happen to them instead? Cause that's pretty much what it feels like for me right now.

All of this stuff is going through my head, and what am I doing at the moment?

Well, I'm actually sitting down and eating breakfast. Gasp.

Yeah, in all honesty, I never sit down and eat breakfast for long, if at all. I like to be on the run half the time, but Luki is insisting I sit down, and I don't really want to make this morning worse for him, so I go ahead and sit across from him at the table. It feels weird though because there's an empty chair right in the middle, on our right. That's where Mikuo would be sitting if he were up.

Funny, right? I mean, I'm on one side and there's Luki on the other. Mikuo's like the middle man, the monkey in the middle. If we were playing a real game of Tug-O-War, Mikuo would be our rope and we would be pulling on either of his arms.

_"He's my friend!"_

_"No, he's my friend!"_

"Mikuo's your best friend, is he not?" Luki asks me, catching me off guard right there.

I nodded and shrugged like it was no big deal. "Yeah, he's my best friend. He's always been my best friend though. As far back as I can remember, anyway."

All that cotton candy head did was nod back at me and take another bite of egg from his plate. I hate that look he has in his eyes. He's begging me for more information, begging to be put into the circle Mikuo and I have. Even though it's not really a circle, it's only the two of us. No biggy, right?

"...Meito, I understand you are a bit defensive, but-"

"Defensive?" I raised my eyes to look at him, "What do you mean defensive? I'm not defensive. Who told you that?"

He shook his head at me and lowered his eyes. "You're being that way right now, don't you see? It's always like that with you. I can't put out two words without you trying to say something against them. Why is that, Meito? Do you hate me?"

_'Sometimes, yes! Like right now!'_

"No. I don't hate you, Luki. I just...It's been a long night and I'm still tired, okay? Just get off my back for a little while." My voice sounded irritated. Good thing too, because it made him finally sit back in his chair and eat like a normal person.

Except now it was too quiet in the room. You could drop a pin in the room and hear it. Well, if that damn clock Luki bought would shut up, because it has this annoying sound it makes when it moves it's clock hands in time with every second, but...That's beside the point.

I kept my eyes down, and he did the same. We didn't even have to look at each other for the rest of the meal. I didn't want to look right in his eyes though anyway.

Who knows what I could have seen in them if I did?

* * *

After I finished up, I thought I might as well grab what was left and take it to Mikuo, since I was pretty sure by now that he wasn't going to bother rolling out of bed on his own.

Who could blame him, anyway? If I was him, I wouldn't want to willingly get out of bed for a while either. Not when I knew I would have to face all that brutal stuff that was going on outside of our bedroom.

But he couldn't stay in there forever, so it was my civil duty as his best friend to get his cage all shook up and throw him out of bed.

Not exactly in that order though, because as soon as I walked in, I could feel something change in the air or the atmosphere or whatever. It wasn't a good feeling. It was like when you're watching a horror movie and you get all filled with suspense. That was how it felt in there.

Mikuo was curled up so tight under the covers that I couldn't even see him, but I knew he was awake because the lump under the blankets kept twitching every so often.

Like when someone is crying and their body jerks forward.

Oh God, come on! I can't deal with people when they're crying! I'm horrible at comforting them!

I shoved the plate of food next to the lamp on his nightstand and put my hands over what I thought was his back before shaking him. Not really hard like I do sometimes when he's sleeping in. Just sorta lightly and on the edge. He didn't say anything, but he made this little whimpering kind of sound. I wanted to leave the room and let him deal with things himself, but he knew I was here now after that, and just leaving felt...wrong.

"Uh...Mikuo? You awake, buddy?" I shook him a few more times for good measure, and finally he started to poke his head out.

His face was soaked with tears, oh my God. And his hair was all messed up looking, going this way and that way. He'd obviously been trying to cry without anyone noticing him doing so.

You know what I mean? It's like that kind of crying you do where you shut your eyes as tight as you can and your teeth are all barred together. You hear some loud noise in your ears too, and it just hurts. You get a headache and you're body feels tired out, but you just keep going and going like a leaky faucet.

Am I _glad_ nothing has made me feel that upset.

"M...Meito...I...I was just..."

"You were just crying, that's what you were doing." I shook my head at him and jerked the covers off of him. "Mikuo, come on...You have to at least get out of bed. Can't you do that? I mean, we need to put this behind us..."

Whatever happened for the next few seconds was a blur.

Mikuo's eyes went wild. He lunged at me and pushed me to the floor with surprising strength before pulling me up by my collar, until I was looking right into his aqua-blue eyes. Face to face.

"Don't _ever _say it like that again! It's not that easy, Meito! It's just not that easy! You're telling me to get over it when it happened only yesterday! I can't get through this that fast! It hurts, damn it! Don't you and Luki get that! It hurts a lot more then you think! But I guess you wouldn't know that because you've never _had_ anyone who's cared so much about you!"

What did that little punk just say to-!

SLAP!

Before I even knew what I was doing, my hand flew out like it had a mind of it's own and slapped him across the face as hard as it could. Mikuo doubled over backwards onto the bed, letting go of my collar so I fell to the floor with a loud thud. My fists felt like they were on fire, and I was all riled up now. I could fight anyone, anything...

The look on his face after that, though...He was laying over the bed from the side, holding his cheek which looked very painfully red, and judging by the look on his face, he was about ready to start another cry-fest up again. Only now it was my fault. I told you I didn't know how to comfort people.

Look where it got me.

"Mikuo...Hey, Mikuo...I'm sorry...T-That was uncalled for, I'm sorry...I just...I got too wound up and then...I couldn't control myself...I'm sorry..."

He sat up and stared at me. Glared at me. Looked ready to rip me to shreds.

"Go."

His voice was calm.

"...Huh?"

"Go. Leave." With the hand that wasn't holding his cheek, Mikuo pointed towards the bedroom door. Was escape this easy?

No, I couldn't escape yet! I still had to talk about-

"But Mikuo-"

"I SAID GO ALREADY!"

* * *

Well, I wasn't about ready to complain after _that_ outburst. Scrambling up, I nearly banged my head into several things on my way out before getting one foot out the door, then the other, leaping down the hallway now as the door slams shut behind me.

Gotta run somewhere, but where? It has to be home free, maybe to the couch?

Almost there, almost there...

"What the Hell did you do in there?"

Ooooh, perfect.

Luki's already on the couch, arms crossed. I think he wants to kill me because he is staring me down like a sheriff stares down the baddie in those old west films. I know I can't save my skin easy on this one, but maybe, just maybe...

"I didn't do anything in there. I was just trying to talk to him, that's all."

"It sure didn't sound like you were making anything better though. This is what you're going to have to put up with for a while until things have gotten a bit more subtle around here, Meito. Are you expecting him to get better fast?"

_'Actually, yes, I am. And you are too, you freaking hypocrite. Yeah, yeah, you go ahead and use your 'mind reading' powers on me. I don't care. You're forcing yourself to think he'll get over it in a few days. And when he doesn't, you'll come crawling over to me and tell me to fix everything because I somehow should magically know just what to say to make all the problems with Mikuo go away.'_

Is what I want to say. I want to say those words to him so, so badly.

But I don't, because I know that if I do, Luki will never want me to speak to him again, and let me tell you that even if I don't like the guy, being shunned by him would be one of the worst things to happen to me. Either that or getting kicked out by him, though I'm pretty sure he could do that too if I said what I wanted like that.

"I know he's not going to get better fast! Luki, I'm not stupid! I know things are bad! But if you want me to be honest for once, you're not really helping me out here on making things any better!"

Luki snapped after I said that, "Because I barely know know him as it is! Look at yourself, Meito! You're popular, you have friends, you have a best friend who lives with you! You've got everything! And what do I have? I live in a small house with two people who I only met because of college, and even then I don't know a thing about you! I'm not popular! I don't have a ton of friends! Consider yourself lucky that I don't decide to leave this place!"

He started breathing hard after that long spout of words. Panting really hard, like a wild animal. Any other time, I would have made fun of him sounding like he was getting aroused by something interesting, but now all those jokes were dead.

He thought that I was popular? That we barely knew each other? Wait, what did he say about leaving?

No, no, no! I can't take all of this! Not in a million years could I deal with all that stress and all those words in just under twenty-four hours!

Luki opened his mouth to say something that I didn't hear, because I turned right around and bolted out the front door. I didn't care what he said now. Nor did I care that he had barred me from using my car, because it was mine and I didn't need rules right now.

I needed to be alone, that was all.

The keys were still in the ignition. Idiot, he'd left my baby out there to get stolen.

Well, now she was safe, since I was turning the key and driving out of there as fast as I could, speeding up on my way down the road until I was dashing at about forty miles an hour. I probably wasn't supposed to be doing that if police were around, but I had an excuse that my head wasn't working right.

I caught sight of a pink colored head running out of the house in my rear view mirror, but I didn't look back.

There wasn't any time to back. There was only time to look forward. Yeah. I would only look forward.

Right now, I was looking forward to where I was heading off to next, because if there was anyone who had the advice I needed to figure out all of this, it was my good old friend from Chemistry in college...

"Gumo, you had better be home, or I swear..."


End file.
